Many people rush to find a lover to fill the void in their life. They believe that if they already have a lover, they will always be happy and won’t be lonely for the rest of their life.
But unfortunately this assumption is wrong, because in reality having a partner will not overcome loneliness.
If you are looking for a lover because of loneliness, you will need your lover to always make you happy.
If your lover refuses, you will say: As a lover, you must make me happy. You must always be there for me. With this assumption, sooner or later the relationship will break up or get divorced.
Having a lover does add to your happiness, but it won’t help you overcome loneliness or fill your emptiness.
If you already have a lover but are still feeling lonely, then there is a hidden problem in the relationship that needs to be resolved immediately.
People who are already in pairs actually get lonely more easily
You will feel the results when looking for a lover to fill the void in you. Couples can never overcome this emptiness.
Even for a happy couple, there must be times when they feel the distance in the relationship or think their partner isn’t what they used to be. That’s what made them start feeling lonely.
In addition, it is also easier for couples to feel lonely when there are hidden problems.
If not resolved immediately, the problem will become a burden of conflict that accumulates, then in the end it will alienate you and your lover.
Part of the increased distance is the lack of intimate moments that were common in early relationships, but which no longer do.
For example: no more hugging and kissing every morning or before bed, cutting back on weekly dates, and so on. Hence, many couples complain of loneliness because their lovers have changed unlike before.
If you feel lonely, you usually have these Four problems:
- You and your lover have communication problems
If you feel lonely even though you already have a lover, you may have communication problems.
Communication problems can occur if you rarely or almost never speak or if you don’t know how to communicate properly.
Your lover is one of the closest people in your life, so it’s easy to feel lonely if they don’t know how you feel.
However, how will your lover know that you are lonely if you don’t tell them in person?
Deficiencies or communication issues you should immediately discuss with your lover. Always take the time to chat with your partner and share feelings for each other.
- Forget taking the time to communicate at a quality time
What do you imagine during quality time with your lover?
Usually what you want to do is hang out together, have a romantic dinner, watch a movie, take a vacation, or whatever is important that you can have fun.
This is not wrong to do, but unfortunately you forget to take the time to chat intimately together.
You shouldn’t forget to communicate because you are too busy having fun. Having fun with your lover is important so that your relationship doesn’t get bored easily.
However, don’t let you and your lover forget about communication.
Likewise, if you and your lover are both busy at work. Many couples are lazy to chat after a tiring day at work because they are too tired and don’t have time.
When they got home, they were even busy with their respective activities, there were no sessions to talk or chat. As a result, they became indifferent to each other’s circumstances and slowly moved away.
If you are serious about considering your relationship as valuable, you must be willing and ready to take the time to share your heart with your lover and vice versa.
Smooth communication creates openness between lovers, so that any conflicts you face can be easily resolved.
- You are reluctant or afraid to open up to your lover
One of the causes of communication problems is that one party is reluctant to open up.
Do not ever hesitate to discuss a topic with your lover because you think:
It’s poor for him to be tired of work, it’s better not to talk about it, or the topic doesn’t really matter, or later when he or she talks about it, he or she will get angry and we fight?
Attitude like that is what actually makes you even more lonely and away from your lover. You and your lover must be able to talk about anything, be it positive or negative.
It’s strange that you often feel uncomfortable sharing your thoughts with your lover, because your lover should be the person you can trust the most.
This is a sign that there is a problem with you or in the relationship that is preventing you from communicating.
If you already know why you are reluctant to communicate, be brave enough to talk to your lover.
For example: I’ve been afraid to discuss financial matters with you. Let’s talk now. That way, it will be easier for you and your lover to let go of feelings and worries that have been hidden.
- You care less about yourself
Sometimes you are lonely not because of your lover, but because of yourself.
It is easy for a person to feel lonely when he forgets to take care of himself and meet his needs, so he seeks attention from his lover.
If you continue like this, you will turn into a bonding lover that weighs on the couple. In order not to become like that, learn to deal with your solitude.
The way to deal with loneliness is to spend time alone. Maybe you need to take care of yourself with some time out to help you enjoy being alone.
Take some time alone to find something new to do, meditate, or pamper yourself. Once you feel comfortable being alone, you will not easily fear loneliness.
However, if this feeling of loneliness persists, consider consulting a specialist such as a psychologist or psychiatrist.
It could be one of the symptoms of depression that you need to overcome immediately.